Since I've been blocked and ignored over again, here is my last word to all this love drama.
I had hope, but not anymore. You say I dwell on the last three months, and maybe you are right, but so do you. You dwell on April, you blame me over and over again, but guess what, I GOT it! I know what happened in April, I WAS there! and January was a great month. Remember all the plans we made, how excited we were
I told you over and over again, I don't hate you, but you just won't get it. You forgot all the great times we had, you can only see the bad anymore. I love/d you, and it's time for you to get it already.
Yes, you got your answer: I DON'T hate you. Why do you have to claim I hate you over and over and over and over again? Everything makes you think I hate you, even the little support I send you last month. It's a neverending sotry, we always come back to that "You hate me thing"..
Yes, we had a voice chat. He wanted me so bad, he didn't even want to go offline anymore, he couldn't get enough, he even wanted to stay in the VC when he slept. It was nice to feel so wanted again. It reminded me of you, how you were some time ago. Remember when you had your Laptop under the blankets so we could talk all night?
I do because of the great and very special times we had, can you remember? All the days and nights we spend together, having chats about casual things, very private things, drama, love. You know everything about me and vise versa.
I don't see the point. Right from the beginning it was meant to be a special thing between you and I. Without getting any strangers, the public, Tumblr or dA involved, it was meant for you and me, it was never meant for anyone else to see, and you liked that idea too for some time. However, your paranoia made me tell you to scratch it, because suddenly it felt like I'm forcing you to do it, you were so afraid that it would reach the public, and no matter what I said, you just didn't believe me.
We did talk about, we talked about all this so many times. You heated insults have been going on for three months, day and night. Do you realize how long that is? three months? You would've left me, everyone else would've left, but I was hopeful and stayed. But at some point it was enough, Polar came in my life , and yes! I didn't even run off, he came to me! I was not looking for anypony else. I did what you told me for three months, what you wanted "I Pissed off and got out of your life". That's what you told me, that's what you got, and then you were hurt? I just don't get it.
It couldn't be us because you were fighting it. I was there and begging for so long, telling you that we can have a great time, that we can get through this, that all I needed was a chance to make it come true. However, you told me to go, you removed me from Skype over and over again, you blocked me over and over again, you told me to give up all hope, you told me to stop fighting for it, so I did eventually.
I did and I still do. You said you see hate and sarcasm in every word I say. Well did it feel like hate when I send you some support? Did my begging for another chance for us feel like hate? I honestly hope you didn't feel any hate coming from that, because I did all this because of love and good feelings, hopeful feelings.
I know you are scared and alone, and I hate that you are. I'm more than willing to change that, but you have to invest something yourself! like a little hope, trust and faith. We can't do that without it. You keep telling me to forget you when that's the last thing you really want, WHY?
To me it seems life that you are ready to remove me from your life. You tell me to leave, you say it's your wish that I go, you remove and block me, you don't talk to me, you ignore me. Did I ever do that? I just react to the things you tell and do, but it's most certainly not what I want! But I can't and don't want you to force myself on you.
You can either do that or just stop pushing me away. I'm still here and believe it or not, but I'm still kinda hopeful. We can be together, do this together. Right now we're both alone, but we don't have to, there's another way...
I could easily get you banned at the moment, one report would be enough and your dA would be gone, yet I'd never do that! and isn't that prove enough that I don't hate you? that I want nothing bad happen to you? someone who hates you would enjoy to see you go down, but that's not me. Why can't you see that?
I don't want you crying, so just help me to make them better. You have to help or this would never work out.
It wasn't really a fight, but I can see why it depressed you. I told you to scratch it, but just because of your paranoia. It was meant for us, that we do this together, that we have fun, but it felt like you didn't enjoy it at all. You just worried about it because you thought it would turn into more drama.
You tell me to leave, how sick you are of me, that you don't want me anymore, yet you say things like that. What exactly am I supposed to believe now? You say one thing just to change your mind the next minute. How are we supposed to make it better like this? can't you see how hurtful that is?
Can't recommend it, tried it, just ended up in hospital for some time, but you already now. Wasn't that great of a experience.
And how exactly would that help with anything? I don't want you to disappear. We talked you so many times about it, I tried to convince you to keep your dA and tumblr, to not disappear and leave everything behind. Can't you just stay so we can sort this out together? wouldn't that be the better option?
Your followers and the people you met in the last few months...what do they know about you? nothing! they don't know you like I do. We've been together like glue for over two years now. They have no idea what you're going through, what we are both going through, they are nothing but bystanders, so let's just keep them out of this love stuff. That's something we have to figure out..
Goodbye then, I hope you will never regret this decision.